Blood-soaked hands but a heart pulsating in ocean waves, I foraged the fire for so long, only to accept: some flames ignite blue.
An honest, passionate, and blazing record —an emotional whirlwind that comes before self-acceptance. This record involved a lot of crying (happy, sad, angry, hopeless, euphoric), looking at things I didn't see then in a new light and furiously writing about them until they became my favourite fragments about myself.
SONGS I WROTE ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR
Exactly four years ago I put together a concept of feeling this spectrum of emotions in the same space - sitting there, writing them - every single time a new fable, every single time a different colour sheds.
I’ve burst into flames there, the water seeped through the walls and sank me in - the tree found it’s way in through the floor traps - I swear at some point there opened a portal to another universe in the front wall and all these nine colours slowly painted me.
I'LL FIND YOU (SAINT LAGO REMIX)
Growing up, the only way I’d look at life was through rose coloured glasses but the more time I spent in the world the more I was learning for that to be a childish dream. Over the past few days I’ve unlearnt that. You see, I believe that the greatest gift in life is to love the little things, to love absolutely any and everything you wish to, be irrevocably in love with love and you’ll start finding it in everything. I still think the universe is filled with magic and love and although there may be storms, I’ve learned to look at them as the beginning of something new rather than an ending.
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I hope you find love - in yourself, in someone, in multiple people or things and in this universe.
I'LL FIND YOU
As a kid I didn’t know much about love, but there was always this haze. This picture of someone I once met by sea, someone with a tendency to get lost in the pines, someone who really knew me. I still don’t know much about love, perhaps even less, but for the longest time there’s been a part of me that aches to look for him.
“I’ll Find You” grows from a time I was struggling so much to fight between what’s real and what’s a fragment of my imagination - and lately I’ve been again. I’ve been told I can’t draw the line between fables and reality but that’s because there isn’t one in my head. I think when we sat next to the fire, I left a part of my soul with you there. But here’s a fable I actually never wanted to share with the world, but the words jumped off the pages and made a little world for themselves again.
TRAILS
(SCARR X MEHR)
I think sometimes you find yourself being so insecure in a new relationship or situation, so fearful that you might screw this up and I feel often that’s because you haven’t really grown from someone you once were. It’s this in between melancholy between who you once were and who you’ve become.
“Trails” is about finally being able to step outside the darkness but fearing the light that falls - although you’ve waited a long time to see it. Of being so stuck in a past relationship or past in general that you remain oblivious to someone or something who’s leaving you trails to step into the light again.
Step into the light, follow it, chase it and it’ll always lead you back home :)
I'VE DANCED WITH THE DEVIL
"don't you see? i'm the god that once dared to fall in love - and I'm the only one that survived it"
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you spend eons thinking you’re cursed because you see things, doors that lead to a nowhere, forbidden flowers, maps of hell engraved in my brain, dancing and then blaming him for the clock striking 12, you intertwine your body with fear because it’s the only thing that reminds you of him.
burn the books, but the myth remains the same. a love affair with the devil doesn’t mean your missing pieces reside in hell.
This song’s about being entirely consumed by this particular version of yourself, where you’re nostalgic about someone you used to be because you were powerful, unfathomable - although destructive and ruthless, it meant everything then. You use it like a medal of some sort later in life saying “I’ve danced with the devil, I make him weak, you may be good at breaking hearts but love doesn’t scare me” to relive what you felt then, to ward people off when it was actually the worst version possible of yourself. So throughout the song, i narrate a story of all the time I spent with the “devil” and how I couldn’t realise that when he was holding my hand, he actually meant to crush it and how I realise by the bridge that I’m equally as corrupted in my head as him. “I make him weak” I tend to derive some sort of power from there, I believe everyone is equally good and bad and every day you make a conscious decision to be good, this song overall feeds the ego of the other side.
A concept by Mehr.
Directed by: Jaidev Tripathy
Shot by: Sudhanshu Singh, Priyanshi Shukla, Ananya Khanna
Edited by: Piya Verma
Finalized by: Sudhanshu Singh
Thank you: Rajat Verma, Mansi Harsh
And Vishnupriya Yadav, I couldn’t have done this without you.
477
"there comes a time where love becomes as fragile as flower petals and as overwhelming as indigo skies, where it's uncalled for when love comes as a surprise"
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this for the people who love someone that lives beyond the skylines, yet the cities echo their names.
I hope you find your own 477 in this song and I hope you reminisce every bit of it. xx
written by Mehr
composed by Mehr
produced by Mehr
mix/mastered by Mukund verma
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There’s an acoustic version for 477, which I recorded in a cabin in the hills back in October.
This song’s about the fragility of love, this intense feeling of knowing you’re about to fall but you still choose to. There are always two sides of a story, this is the other side of this song, feeling the softness of petals right before you pluck them off, telling someone you love them right before you break it off. Either way, you still fall.
Christmas has always been a turning page and a time for new beginnings for me, either you fall even more into it or you fall out of it. I hope you’re with someone you love today and if not, I hope this reminds you of them. Merry Christmas, I hope you have a lovely one. Spread love.
Shot by Vishnupriya Yadav
WATERFALL
this song echoed in my head while I was at a beach in Pondicherry back in 2019.
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This is for anyone, who feels they’re not as powerful as they once were and find themselves in a complete mess, if the most you do today is make yourself a cup of hot chocolate, you’re doing okay. Power isn’t always based on your ability to glean planets, sometimes it’s looking at the ocean and finally deciding to take control of your own narrative.
So I sat myself down in the same spot I wrote “Waterfall” in and decided to film a little video for it, if you’re curious to know how it felt when I wrote it, here it is.
This video was edited by Sudhanshu, who found the video in a complete mess and gave it even more colors than I thought it could have.
Because the audio is layered you can’t hear Vish laughing at me in the background, but in case you see me smiling, she’s probably called me a psycho.
Thank you Ananya, your camera‘s much better than my phone’s.
A concept by Mehr.
Self Shot.
Assisted by Vishnupriya Yadav.
Edited by: Sudhanshu Singh
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